Cauliflower "Rice" Curry

So my friend, Marge reveals to me one day the secret of the universe: rice made from cauliflower. I know this is, like, so last year, and that I've stumbled upon the wagon after the wheels have already fallen off and everyone's moved onto broccoli rice or something. But whatever. Putting cauliflower chunks into the food processor and pulsing them into niblets is pretty much a life hack equivalent to this cat's transcendental experience.

Did you watch that entire video? Yeah, I'll never get those two minutes back either. (Okay, it might be a half hour at this point...)

ANYWHOOO, I made a curry with cauliflower rice and it tasted numnums and I've decided to share it here. Mangos were on sale at the store so I threw a couple of those in, but sometimes I like to add raisins for little sweet surprises with the spice. I also used brussels sprouts 'cause I love how they soak up the sauce. And I always like to add fresh greens to my meals when possible to help move along cheese and other such *necessary* clogs in the drain. 

I think what makes cauliflower such a great alternative to rice is that I don't finish my meal requiring a wheel barrow to leave the table. It's not necessarily a bad thing, the whole rice-bloat consequence to Asian cuisine. It's just, I'm fresh outta maternity clothes at the moment and if I don't plan ahead with stretchy pants and/or long shirt to cover unbuttoned jeans, well, it's not ideal. (On a side note, I'm considering ditching jeans altogether, especially since jeggings are a thing.)

Alrighty, you eager beavers, let's get down to the hows, whats, and why the hell nots:


Cauliflower Rice Curry

What You'll Need

For Rice:

Food processor (seriously, at this point do I even need to list it?)

1 Head of Cauliflower

Garlic (I used six cloves 'cause the vampire threat is real, but add however many you vvvant.) 

1 T Dried Basil

1 T Orange Peel

Salt to taste

1/4 C+ Coconut oil

For Sauce: 

2-3 C Brussels Sprouts, sliced in half

1 C Cashews

2 Mangos, peeled and chopped or 1 C of raisins (Or no sweets if you're a freak and live sweet-tooth free - jokes, jokes, you're not a freak if this is the case...just someone I can't trust.)

Chopped Greens (spinach, baby kale, baby chard, whatevas. I just don't recommend iceberg lettuce...or any lettuce really, 'cause soggy lettuce is just sad. Unless it's soggy with ranch dressing, then it's school cafeteria legit.) 

2 Cans of Coconut Milk (Full fat!! Fo real. It's the good fat that goes straight to your boobs or any other desired flesh deposit box, depending.)

1 Spoonful of honey (Again, optional, though seriously...if you're not into sweets...)

1 T Tamari

1/3 C Curry powder

Dried chili or chili powder to taste (Are you a sporty or baby spice kinda girl/guy?)

1/4 C+ Coconut Oil 

What You'll Do

1. Chop up cauliflower into smaller chunks and pulse in food processor until it resembles rice. (You may need to help bigger chunks wrestle their way down to the blade.)

2. Melt coconut oil in saucepan on medium heat and add garlic. Warm up the garlic and then add the cauliflower. Mix in dried basil, salt, and orange peel. You may need to add more coconut oil if the cauliflower seems to be sticking to the pan.

You'll push this "rice" around once in a while with a spatula as you make the sauce. You can turn to low heat after about 10-15 minutes. Don't forgot about it or you will smoke the kitchen. (I imagine...never had this experience. I'm a professional and all that.) 

3. Saucy time: Melt coconut oil on medium heat in a large pot that has a lid. Add brussels sprouts and cashews and stir around. Make sure to stir often so the cashews don't burn. (Again, totally guessing this could happen.) You may want to add a spoonful or two of coconut oil at some point. Add about a 1/4C of water and put the lid on to help the brussels sprouts cook faster.

4. Once the water has boiled out, add the coconut milk, curry, tamari, honey, and spice. Stir and bring to a low boil. 

5. Reduce heat and add mangoes and greens. Keep it on the heat a little longer so the mangoes warm and the greens soften. 

AND NOW DA FUN BEGINSSSS! 'Cause garnish. Nuf said. 

I went freshy-fresh, per usual. Some carrot shavings, local micro-greens, and slices of cado. BOOOM! This bowl of curry delight is your flower hat, sending you into outer space. Bon voyage!


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